I have had a fucker of a year. For those of you that don't know, I left my job due to my anxiety disorder bought on by stress. I had two admissions into a mental health hospital and on top of all of that my dad passed away.
When I did come out of hospital after burying my father needless to say I was feeling very vulnerable and thanking fuck for my meds leveling me out. Everything in my world felt shaky. So I did positive thing's like sign up to the agency for more work. I needed to grab onto something positive and figured work was it.
I also got back in touch with Popeye. I thought if anyone could care about me it would be him. I call him Popeye because if he was real he would look like him, all square jawed, stubbly and shaven headed, he is also a sailor in the merchant navy.
When we spoke on the phone he was sweet and told me how much he cared about me and how much he wanted to look after me and that I should go to Kent so he could take care of me. Despite my protestations that I was a mess.
He also said he had messaged me on WhatsApp back in April but worried that something bad had happened to me as I hadn't got it. He also said he had looked for me on various sites online to no avail. I did get cold feet about his impending visit. I worried that we had nothing in common aside from kinks but he helped me dispel such worries and pointed out the amount of time we spent on the phone talking about non-kink related subjects and my fears were successfully alayed.
The week at work wizzed passed and it was Monday, I had scrubbed the house clean, been to town and bought food and some sexy undies and a box of Yorkshire tea for him. Every time he flashed up on my phone my stomach went all fluttery. When I saw him again my pulse started careening around my body and when he held me I felt my body instinctively melt into him, I remembered how we fit perfectly together and I found my mouth seeking out his and became entangled in his full lips. I crashed around the kitchen and made him a cup of tea once upstairs in my room and the kittens had been fused and cooed over I kissed him again revelling in the decent emanating from his warm skin I placed his hand over my heart and told him to feel how fast it was going, he did and teased me, then we were fucking, hot greedy 'I missed you' sex.
Popeye my be just the bastard that broke my heart for the millionth time right now but at that time I couldn't get enough of him. He has always had thge ability to make me drunk off of him, leave me aching and craving more. And he spanks my ass exactly how I like it. The ensuing two days were a blur of orgasms and great sex and of course loads of kinky games. My favourite being when he pulled my pants down in the kitchen and spanked me. He seemed different to the old Popeye. Capable of patience which in case you don't know you need an abundance of with someone with a mental health problem like me is concerned. We went to town, drank flavored coffee, he drove me to my dads grave on top of the mountain, he held me whilst I cried. We ate Chinese and watched TV, clinging on to each other and fucking when the urges took us six times by the way in case you were wondering not to mention the countless times we got each other off with our hands. When went to the pub when he got home he rang and said he had cried on the way home. I felt blessed out and over joyed that someone as special as him wanted me.
Of course it was short lived and yesterday went to hell in a hand basket. I'm too sad to write about how twat like he was to me and how equally as twat like I was back. He was just using me though that has been established by the amount of guff he spouted about how I was better off without him, how he doesn't do relationships, how he can't handle me needing him (er whoa when did I say I needed him exactly...I'm quite capable of relying on myself) I will point out readers that he claims to need to be needed. And 'why can't I just be rational' ERM that might have something to do with the whole mental illness thing I told him about and explained...repeatedly. Member I mentioned that I needed someone patient. He wanted the lime light of appearing in my blog so ta dah here it is. I once again look like a mug.
Fear not though readers I did swap digits with a sweet and handsome man at work...who knows maybe something can blossom from the wreckage that is my heart. Only time will tell.