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Thursday, 27 November 2014


I'm starting to wonder if it's me. If the issues with my personality are the thing's that are about as easy to love as hugging a star fruit is. Perhaps I'm jinxed and I'm plagued by some curse or other that keeps the men I want out of my life and the one's I don't in it. That or my dazzlingly dull personality is to blame. Either way I'm lonely and already possess the quota of cats that one needs to be classified as a spinster cat lady. I only have them anbd my fabulous shoe collection for company. 
Will write more if anything non-doom and gloomy happens. 
Signed yours faithfully 
Spinster cat lady with the prettiest shoes.

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

Ex's are ex's for a reason.

I have had a fucker of a year. For those of you that don't know, I left my job due to my anxiety disorder bought on by stress. I had two admissions into a mental health hospital and on top of all of that my dad passed away.

When I did come out of hospital after burying my father needless to say I was feeling very vulnerable and thanking fuck for my meds leveling me out. Everything in my world felt shaky. So I did positive thing's like sign up to the agency for more work. I needed to grab onto something positive and figured work was it.

I also got back in touch with Popeye. I thought if anyone could care about me it would be him. I call him Popeye because if he was real he would look like him, all square jawed, stubbly and shaven headed, he is also a sailor in the merchant navy.
When we spoke on the phone he was sweet and  told me how much he cared about me and how much he wanted to look after me and that I should go to Kent so he could take care of me. Despite my protestations that I was a mess.

He also said he had messaged me on WhatsApp back in April but worried that something bad had happened to me as I hadn't got it. He also said he had looked for me on various sites online to no avail. I did get cold feet about his impending visit. I worried that we had nothing in common aside from kinks but he helped me dispel such worries and pointed out the amount of time we spent on the phone talking about non-kink related subjects and my fears were successfully alayed.

The week at work wizzed passed and it was Monday, I had scrubbed the house clean, been to town and bought food and some sexy undies and a box of Yorkshire tea for him. Every time he flashed up on my phone my stomach went all fluttery. When I saw him again my pulse started careening around my body and when he held me I felt my body instinctively melt into him, I remembered how we fit perfectly together and I found my mouth seeking out his and became entangled in his full lips. I crashed around the kitchen and made him a cup of tea once upstairs in my room and the kittens had been fused and cooed over I kissed him again revelling in the decent emanating from his warm skin I placed his hand over my heart and told him to feel how fast it was going, he did and teased me, then we were fucking, hot greedy 'I missed you' sex.

Popeye my be just the bastard that broke my heart for the millionth time right now but at that time I couldn't get enough of him. He has always had thge ability to make me drunk off of him, leave me aching and craving more. And he spanks my ass exactly how I like it. The ensuing two days were a blur of orgasms and great sex and of course loads of kinky games. My favourite being when he pulled my pants down in the kitchen and spanked me. He seemed different to the old Popeye. Capable of patience which in case you don't know you need an abundance of with someone with a mental health problem like me is concerned. We went to town, drank flavored coffee, he drove me to my dads grave on top of the mountain, he held me whilst I cried. We ate Chinese and watched TV, clinging on to each other and fucking when the urges took us six times by the way in case you were wondering not to mention the countless times we got each other off with our hands. When went to the pub when he got home he rang and said he had cried on the way home. I felt blessed out and over joyed that someone as special as him wanted me. 

Of course it was short lived and yesterday went to hell in a hand basket. I'm too sad to write about how twat like he was to me and how equally as twat like I was back. He was just using me though that has been established by the amount of guff he spouted about how I was better off without him, how he doesn't do relationships, how he can't handle me needing him (er whoa when did I say I needed him exactly...I'm quite capable of relying on myself) I will point out readers that he claims to need to be needed. And 'why can't I just be rational' ERM that might have something to do with the whole mental illness thing I told him about and explained...repeatedly. Member I mentioned that I needed someone patient. He wanted the lime light of appearing in my blog so ta dah here it is. I once again look like a mug.

Fear not though readers I did swap digits with a sweet and handsome man at work...who knows maybe something can blossom from the wreckage that is my heart. Only time will tell.

Saturday, 31 May 2014

Are you lonesome tonight. No Elvis I'm just horny.

I have had an epiphany.  Plain sailing relationships just aren't my cup of coffee. I need the kind of passion and the heat that is only ever found in creative types or you know people that I have nothing but blind hatred for, Suffice to say King Tart being a prime example of the latter. That's the kind of sex I want, the kind that makes my bedroom look like it gone done in by Miley and her wrecking ball.

But I also want the other stuff too, the staying up until stupid:AM talking about the stuff makes us tick etc the thing's that help pave the way to it becoming more than sweat soaked sheets. Yes that sounds like a massive contradiction compared to my posts a couple of years ago, I mean who knew I could actually be wrong. This crow is delicious.

As much as my recent ex and I were similar e.g shit at relationships on account of the commitmentphobia and being so emotionally retarded we found ways of making it work. We were poles apart when it came to the everyday stuff and so help me to fuckery I felt like giving him a thwack to well thwack the glazedness out of his eyes for his inability to feign even the slightest bit if interest in what I do for a living, it is important to me and if I can tolerate football on my tv and endure an entire game it's the least he could've done. I didn't decide to write to have a bitch about my ex, I broke up with him and it was very amicable and I know that because of that very sentence I did the right thing...there was no passion and despite sharing a host of kinks the spark just fizzled out because of how incompatible we were in other area's. Ok, I'll admit it, I'm a little sad because he was the only person that has ever liked me for the reason people usually detest me, which of course is my outspokeness, the way I always say how I feel or think and my distinct inability to sugar coat shit. But unfortunately it wasn't meant to be.

I have no doubts he will find someone. But I'm beginning to doubt the same will happen for me as I'm so difficult to like, so awkward and strange, the only analogy I can come up with is imagine trying to give a human sized star fruit a hug. I refuse to wear a lable but if I had to I'm pretty sure it would say bi-polar oh and queen of the blow jobs obviously.

I need passion back in my life. I have a riding crop on it's way to me but no one to use it with. So the question is where do I go to get it, my day's of working the club and going home with marines are over with, and Fetlife is out on account of my being all 'Embrace your kink check out Fetlife' to people I work with and the last thing I need them to know about is all of my weirdo kinks, it's bad enough they know about my penchant for fucking guys in the ass with my "Black mamba" as it is now known haha, without them knowing everything else. Suggestions please and until then I guess I'm left with my devine fantasies largely involving Charles Esten (the scrumptious looker that plays Deacon Clayborne in my lastest tv addiction Nashville) doing some pretty inventive thing's with a ruler Secretary style. If I break a lamp whilst having sex or get to give a blow job in the foreseeable future don't worry y'all be the first I tell.

Thing's I'm hating right now
That I'm turning thirty in 3 months

Thing's that I'm loving right now
That the above entitles me to a mid-life crisis waaay!
My new Etnies
A football free existence
And last but not least Devious Maids and Nashville (trash tv but it's soooo good)

Yours, sexually frustrated
Kinky Cupcake XOX