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Monday, 6 August 2012

Caramelatte, Clamps and Clit

Hey lovely people, so how has your month been? Mine has been OK I guess. Very boring if I'm honest aside from baking occasionally, devouring books by the shelf full and wanking so much my toys are on the verge of protesting...seriously there's not much to do around here. However tomorrow I finally start my therapy for my anxiety disorder. I'm happy that its finally here, albeit shitting myself because I'm scared that it won't work. I just need to keep a positive attitude about it, I read somewhere that if you keep positive and envisage yourself being who or where you want to be(e.g a new job, or on the end of that hot guys cock etc) that you are more likely to achieve it than if you have a negative attitude. Plus I'm so frustrated at not being able to do normal things like catch a train, go in to town with my besties for a coffee its been three months since I've wrapped my mouth around the caffeiney goodness of a Caramelatte and that folks is a long time for a Nero addict who is on first name terms with the baristas in Exeter. I really miss working though and can't wait to start again! I do have one last tidbit to tell you about before I get to the man goss. A family friend is getting married and asked me to do he wedding cupcakes! Which in my opinion is a pretty big deal.So in order to not completely bollocks them up I've spent the last two weeks or so designing, practicing and perfecting my techniques...getting the icing the perfect consistency to pipe though is a total biatch however I've worked it out now and fingers crossed they should look awesome. OK before I spill the juice on the guy that's been getting my knickers all juicy, I would just like to point out that just because I don't write about it doesn't mean I'm not getting up to black book is like an a-z. So from the post before my Fifty Shades of Grey review, I clearly say that Golden Delicious is a habit I need to kick and for the most part I was sticking to it with the exception of a platonic text I'd sent him a question that none of my friends would know the answer too. It was brief but we were civil and that was that then a week ago I wasn't lounging around and checking my Facebook when he messaged me. The second I saw his message in my inbox my pulse started swooshing around like it normally does when he's involved. A few minutes later he was asking me what I would've done if we'd hooked up again. The second I read it my eyebrow shot halfway up my forehead and my lips bunched up so tight they probably looked like a cats arse and I had to refrain from typing the text of equivalent of a snort of derision if my ass I was the one who wanted to hook-up again remember, you know, I sent that lovely picture of my naked-but-still-bruised-from-that-spanking-you-gave-me ass, telling you to come and put your cock in me. But still I refrained and decided to let it go. And told him that I'd have done everything we didn't get chance to do that night...there's only so much kink you can fit into a few hours. No jokes aside from a couple of hours baking I was in a constant state of hornyness, and attached to my phone and various sex toys all day and night, and had to change my pants twice because they were that wet, all from his dirty texts, him sending me a picture of his big fat cock and yes ladies and gents he has a very fat cock, me then telling him where I wanted it, our brief discussion about shibari....moments later I was busy tying my boobs up with pink string and taking a photo for him, then him saying he wanted to rub stinging nettles over my boobs and pussy got me even more slick, I don't think I could handle it on my pussy, my boobs yes but only if he was the one doing it because his cock in either my mouth or pussy is likely take my mind off the pain if it was too much and if I did it to myself all I'd have to hand would be my dildo and I highly doubt sucking that would have much of an effect lol. Towards the end of the night I did another video. And I mentioned that I'd really like clamps on my pussy....again moments later I was rifling through my box then taking a pic I wish he'd been the one to put them on me. We also spoke about wax play, it's something I really want to try. The next morning after breakfast I was thinking about our conversation from the day before and as I was in the throws of orgasm I called his name (no one else was in thank frick lol) not his actual name the name he'd confessed to like being was hot! A few days later I decided to tell him about a kink that I hadn't told him about. He's open about his and whilst he has two that are a bit extreme for me I don't judge, it's his thing right. I never thought I'd tell him, in part due to pride as it's not a kink I'm loud and proud about, truth be told I'm utterly ashamed and embarrassed of it, but also due to a fear of being rejected by him because of it(it's happened before when I've told people and well ouch) the amount of times over the last year I've come so close to blurting it out over text and just about managed to refrain due to the fear of the above. So being that I'm now in Wales and no longer run the risk of bumping into him and trying to meet his gaze whilst blushing with awkwardness and shame I thought fuck it. Admittedly my stomach was in knots and I nearly wussed out of telling him because of said embarrassment but with a bit of prompting from him to spill I just blurted out. I was flooded with relief when I read his response "So whats wrong with that" I know it sounds dumb but I could've cried because it's so not normally the response I get and well pfftt hormones and all that. However during the week I text him twice and I didn't hear back from him so I started to worry that maybe initially he'd misread the text you know skimmed over the first part then reread it later only to be like freeeaak. Turns out I was just stressing over nothing because he's cool with it. I need to leave well alone though now, because we keep doing this and I'll always want more from him but I'll never be enough for him and I don't mean that in the lame 0% self esteem kind of way but in the respect of different strokes for different folks. Maybe I want a guy who likes all of me and not just fragments and yes ladies and gents you did just read that right for the first time in three years I actually want more from a guy than he wants from me although that's been obvious from when he first appeared in my blog although I did think if I had him for the night that'd be enough and that the thing that usually happens after I hook up with a guy would happen, you know I don't want them anymore, but I guess my pussy turned into a greedy Golden Delicious wanting slut. And on that note I'll leave it there. Stay kinky Kinky Cupcake XOXO