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Monday, 22 August 2011

No rest for the wicked*deviant*

Hey lovely people, how's your week been? This is just a quick update and to say I will be posting properly soon. I've had a mental busy couple of weeks and the next two are looking to be the same. I've been working crazy hard and have barely had time to eat or sleep. And don't get me started on the lack of cock or rather the time to hook up and fuck. After the kinky fuckfest I wrote about in my last blog naturally Handsome Statham was my first choice, but he quickly lost his appeal on account of the fact we seemed to be doing more talking and the 'when are you free' texting as opposed to the actual fucking. Also he was starting to piss me off by referring to my blog as his ''review" which of course is not what my blog is, I don't review the guys I sleep with that's just shallow, and any guy who feels the need to show his other fuck buddie's my blog to prove how "good" they are has serious self esteem issues, and is a bit of a dick to tell me.about it....thanks really didn't want to know that. So aside from working my ass off this past week and wanking an insane amount to compensate the lack of dick what else have I been doing? Well i've been very stressed for numerous reasons, straight jacket and padded room for one please. I have been watching a fair amount of porn for work, and discovered that (a) I still don't get off on vanilla porn and that (b) that The Vault got me dribbling down below...that's right folks I can only get off on kinky porn. I made a few other interesting discoverer's this week, the first came after I was pissed off about not getting cock when id like it and my feeling outrage towards.our government for not.being as open minded as the dutch when it comes.to prostitution, whilst doing some research i.did fond out that prostitution is legal here, there's just a few bylaws that make it difficult and illegal to pay for sex, such as curb crawling, pimping, pandering to name a few. I would just like to point out that I have not done any of the above. I also discovered that collapsing in work is beyond embarrassing, I swear every time i've done it I burst into tears...reckon its due to shock. But before anyone panics I did go to the doctors last week and also had a blood test today to see if there's something dodgy going on e.g over active thyroid, or my old nemesis anemia. Any way ladies and gents if I survive my next two mental working weeks my next post should suffice to say be some what more riveting. Hope you all have a lovely week Stay kinky Kinky Cupcake XOXO

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Red raw and begging for more

Hey lovely people so how's your week been? Mine has been a very busy one mainly with work but the weekend was great. Now given what I got up to last night, in this piece I'm going to talk about kink, more specifically fetishes, the hand shape bruise on my ass and sore nipples being the inspiration for this blog and considering I am a self proclaimed kinkster with an array of fetishes/kinks lurking in my closet I'm quite shocked that I haven't yet written about the subject, with the exception of the now infamous Anal blog where I divulge the juicy tale of the night I got to fuck a very sexy man in the ass with a strap-on. So what is a festish? A fetish is the sexual arousal a person receives from a physical object, or situation. Now whilst trawling the net, researching, I found an abundance of material that answered the question; what is a fetish and discovered some pretty interesting stuff, for example Alfred Binet, a french psychologist, lawyer and hypnotist proposed that fetishes be classified as either ''spiritual love'' or ''plastic love'' ''spiritual love'' occupied the devotion for specific mental phenomena, such as attitudes, social class, or occupational roles; while ''plastic love'', referred to the devotion exhibited towards material objects such as animals, body parts, garments, textures or shoes. I personally reject his opinion, I think it's ridiculous to compartmentalize fetishes at the end of the day if you have one or a couple why stick a label on them. I have the same amount of desire For being Dommed as I have for the feel of PVC, they both turn me on as much as the other. As much info I turned up on the ''what is'' I found very little on what causes them. Freud believed that sexual fetishism in men derived from the unconscious fear of the mothers genitals, from mens universal fear of castration, and from mans fantasy that his mother had had a penis but that it had been cut off, he did not discuss sexual fetishism in women. OK so aside from thinking that maybe Freud was feeling a little under the weather when he wrote that as it sounds like the ramblings of an insane man so quick to blame everything on the mother, but it also made me thankful is humans have evolved and learned to explore the inner workings of the mind a lot more carefully. I must admit I found very little else on why we have kinks. Over the years i've read a few books and analyzed my own kinks to the point of exhaustion, i've discussed certain ones with numerous kinksters. And Colchester in particular and I would talk at great length about our mutual kink and as he'd studied psychology at uni he told me how we develop a fetish. The short version is this its due to a trauma e.g an event that occurs when we are not mature enough to comprehend nor deal with it emotionally, that incidence then plants a seed into our psych so to speak, which having manifested itself, later unfurls into our adulthood generally its when we hit puberty. Its the same with anything though it you refuse to deal with something or are unable to that's going to eventually come out in some form or another.
I can like many other kinksters out there pin point the exact moments in time all of the ''seeds'' were planted for mine, whether it's ones ism loud and proud about or the ones I only discuss with people i've met online that I know are 100% into it, therefore avoiding any uncomfortable silences and that soul destroying look people wear when they think you're a freak. I remember the first time I told someone about what gets me off, I was 16 and just getting comfortable well ish in my own skin. And I really wanted to spill to my then new boyfriend, I was super embarrassed and thought I was a total freak and worried no end that I wasn't ''normal''. I remember handing over a few sheets of paper written in red ink and shyly passing them over to my beau at the time. I knew if I'd had to verbalize my desires, my kinks I'd have bottled it and lost my nerve. I truly thought I was abnormal, I was so relieved when he's done reading admittedly my face was probably the same colour as the red ink it was written in, and even more relieved when he revealed that he himself was of the kinky variety. For a couple of years that became an ongoing trend with me, but it progressed to erotic short stories and by the time I was in the 3rd year of college I was completely open about what got me off and the need for short stories to bare my desire's was unnecessary but stuck around to become a pleasurable pastime. However despite my honesty and upfrontness about most of my kinks I kept one secret for such a long time, like I just thought if I'd spilled about it I would face ridicule and its shrouded by shame and embarrassment that I never thought I'd ever get to experience it. I have actually experienced it in fact i've played with the kink extensively over the last two years, and feel at ease with it, not on the scale I go round telling people about it but more so I don't feel awkward and shy about discussing it online or people i've met online that are 100% into it too. People that know me and know me well know that I analysis everything overly so sometimes. So for years I was armed with the question ''why do I like what I like'' I'm a fucker for that I need to know the why behind everything and I think i've finally worked out the reasons behind mine. A few years ago I was in my local library and stumbled across a book that I was shocked to find in there. The cover caught my eye '' My girlfriend comes to the city and beats me up'' by Stephen Elliott with a painting of a flame haired goddess in domination gear adorning the front cover. Naturally I picked it and in no time id devoured it. And a few days later I was hot footing it to a book shop in Newport and ordering the book prior to the one id just read. Its called Happy baby, its an autobiographical tale of the author Stephen Elliott who writes under the character name Theo, once the eponymous happy baby, but later an orphan in foster care and now a grown man living in cali is haunted by memories of the past'' just a little excerpt from the blurb. See Theo or rather Stephen Eliott himself is a kinkster in fact he's a total masochist heavily into BDSM and a total pain junky, aside from telling his harrowing story it also deals with his kinks, how he got them and why he likes what he likes from reading his books I released I was normal and that its OK that I'm into what ism into. If you're going to read it, keep your eyes out when he's in Amsterdam and goes to visit the dutch prostitute Adele. He is a brilliant writer not only is it effortlessly fluid its intelligent and thought provoking. And to this day it is one of my favourite books. Just a warning though have a box of tissues handy...I'm not one of these people who cries at sad movies etc however on occasion I am moved by real shit based on true events and real emotion so just a heads up for when you read it.
A small list of the most common kinks Foot fetishism PVC Latex/rubber Stockings Silk Spanking/caning/whips Restraint Gags And shoes Dacryphilia-arousal from tears/crying ummm I have stuff to say on this but I'll refrain as it's a curiosity Axillism-arousal from armpits I don't have this fetish but i've got to be honest if ism all sweet smelling under there I'm happy for someone to touch and kiss me there Dendrophilia- aroused by trees Choreophilia-refers to people who are sexually aroused by dancing The mist common ones I list most of mine are in there. I do admit to having a bit of a shoe fetish not in the heel worship way though although I did write a pretty steamy scene in an erotic short once. Spanking is definitely one of my main fetishes it drives me wild, hence the man sized hand print on my arse see right then I hesitated writing the next bit wondering whether or not revealing my desires here was such a brilliant idea with a sprinkling of shame thrown in but fuck it it gets me off, everything from being bent over the bed/knee to the anticipation of the first slap on the ass, anyone wondering as to who that hand print belongs to yet? Just a heads up anyone of a weak disposition might want to skip the next couple of paragraphs and any of you that are remotely kinky sit back and enjoy. In the last blog entry I say along the lines of ism not expecting to hear from Handsome Statham anytime soon due to the previous weekend events. So needless to say I was very shocked to hear from him on Friday, it was a welcomed phone call after I'd gotten asked on Friday if I was a prostitute and Friday being a hellish day the promise of cock on Sunday is definitely guaranteed to turn my day around. When I got home from work on Friday night he and I started talking about kink, needless to say I was slick pretty quick and even more so at the mention of ''punishment'' and seeing the words ''force you over my knee'' and something along the lines of him being tempted to come round and do it then lighting up my inbox no wonder I was horny in fact ladies and gent's I had the horn from Friday night to Monday morning, and every time I thought about it id have to resist the urge to touch myself(I'd had about 7 DIY orgasms from saturday morning to the time he got here sundry) as far as I was concerned Sunday night couldn't come quick enough. Hot sex with a sexy gent is amazing, but hot kinky sex with a sexy gent is phenomenal. I hadn't had kinky sex in awhile and wanted to make an effort and treat what the hell treat myself to something saucy to wear and something fun to play with. So Miss banana and I took a trip to where I work, we also discovered that there's a porno named after me well my first name to be precise haha. I picked up a sexy latex maids dress(the Sharon Sloane stuff we stock is gorgeous and doesn't break the bank) and some nipple clampscome sundae I was a horny mess. I would just like to say thanks to Miss Banana for helping me get into my dress latex really is a nightmare to get into and erm sorry you saw my boobs and that you copped an eyeful of my foof and my ass I really didn't realize how short it was and the same apology goes to my other poor unsuspecting male house mate who wandered into the kitchen to make tea and also copped an eyeful whooops sorry. When Handsome Statham showed up on my doorstep all I could think about was him getting naked as soon as possible and fucking the naughty out of me. I'm going to fast forward to when he was laying naked fresh from the shower on my bed. This is when my juices really started flowing, ism dipping in between sucking his ear lobe, kissing his beautiful mouth and his neck whilst stroking his chest, when he pipes up and I remember it word for word because it's turning me on even as I write about it. '' i believe I owe you something'' instant flash back to the red ass texts, my stomach bunches up and pulses get sent straight between my legs, he's stroking my as and every time he pulled his hand away my ass cheeks clenched, in anticipation of what I hoped was coming, then before I knew it he was sitting upright on the edge of the bed and I was sprawled over his knee and silently hoping that the next time he took his hand away it would quickly be followed by a slap that would send that delicious sensation across my ass cheeks and straight to between my legs which was already soaking. Then he did it, and fuck me any harder and I'd have gone shooting through the wall. I remember my hand instantly going to my cheeks and rubbing, my whole ass had gone numb I'm pretty sure I whimpered ''tooo hard'' I think suffice to say I learnt my lesson though...don't be a bitch to especially not to someone who is twice the size of you therefore has the ability to make sitting down pretty uncomfortable for you haha. That ladies and gents is the story behind the hand print on my ass. Handsome Statham is a pretty big bloke 6'4, well built and he''s incredibly good with his hands because a short while later he was making me come like the dirty girl that I am. I also have very sore nipples and af2er I spill how they got to be so sore I'm going to tell you about my second favorite part of the night. As I'd picked up some clamps we whipped them out to have a play. I've got to be honest they didn't do that much, they were too big to go on him, so we tried them on me. I've got to be honest clothes pegs have more of an effect because even at their tightest the only time they came close to doing anything was well when he pulled on the chain, so they were quickly ditched and both of us resorted to doing things the old fashioned way with our hands, not that I had much of an effect on his nips haha however he on the other hand well...wow. From the second he started playing, I had a filthy smile on my face my bottom lip caught between my teeth and every time he squeezed, id take a sharp intake of breath that seemed to whistle through my teeth. If I make that noise whilst I'm smiling you know you're onto a winner and id gone from slick to sopping wet in seconds, I find that sex is always more intense and hot when i've been playing with my kinks, because its not all about the orgasm its about the slow build up of pleasure before hand, whether its being spanked or having my nipples squeezed to the point they're raw, cock afterwards is the cherry on top, that was hotter than hell, fucking a very sexy man, whilst wearing my rubber dress and having him squeeze my nips as I rode his cock. Bit embarrassing having to ask him to help me take my dress off though. Wearing rubber is essentially like wearing a sexy condom...in other words super tight, awkward to get on and awkward to get off. Now onto my second favorite experience of the night., a short while later, we were discussing our kinks, Handsome is into CBT for those of you that don't know what CBT is those letters stand for Cock and Ball Torture...over the last few years i've evolved from 100% sub to a switch and picked up a thirst for other kinks. And I'd been curious about the aforementioned kink, so I was pretty chuffed when he spilled that he was into it. Now on account of not having any bollocks myself well not real ones anyway. I was a little concerned for inflicting the bad kind of pain which to the non-kinksters reading this it probably sounds like an oxymoron in itself but I assure you there's a difference. So I got Handsome to cup his own balls to see how he likes it and as I was doing it I asked a bunch of questions to establish the pain level etc and once I'd gotten into the swing of things I concentrated on watching his face as I squeezed his balls lightly at first then harder. The look on his face said it all...sexy as fuck. And considering he'd said earlier on in the night that his face betrays no emotion...you sir of full of shit i've never seen anyone more turned on. Then he asked me if the pressure I was applying was as hard as I could go, it wasn't but I was trying to be careful because of my nails are as sharp as talons but after him telling me he didn't mind. I gave him my best...nails digging into his ball sack and all, it was hot as hell when he started trying to tell a story and I clamped down even harder to the point where he lost his train of thought and stopped talking ummm what was that you dirty bitch didn't quite catch that;-) Sunday night was amazing and despite having sore nipple, sore ass and tender balls between the two of us after that I'm so up for a repeat performance. He asked me part way through whether or not I was turned on and aside from saying yes(i was slick below) all I could think about is this..its not about me shut the help up and enjoy the attention lol I like working out what a gets a guy horny everything from his kinks to that particular spot that drives him wild....I'd like to think that ism not selfish in bed if only one of you is having a good time that's pretty shite. By the end of our CBT play his cock was purple(no jokes) and we fucked each other side ways...pretty intense and I nearly bit through my lip. On that note lovely people ill leave it there thanks Handsome for the hand print every time I look down at it I smile to myself ;-) and Miss Banana sorry you overheard us having sex but in my defense it was pretty fucking spectacular and you should be honoured as no one else has heard me...oh well I guess that's what you get if you go to the loo in the middle of the night it is above my bedroom haahaaha Have a good week lovely people stay kinky Kinky Cupcake XOXO

Monday, 1 August 2011

Fiesty or Arsehole

Hey lovely people so hows your week been? Yesterday was a day of quiet contemplation and nostalgia, I got to thinking about the old days back in Wales, the summer that changed everything and the sonngs I couldn't get enough off, back when I was in my chrysalis before I developed into something more vibrant and sprang from it. Tsunami bomb vs. The monster, and a gallows track amongst a few others. I wasn't super happy back then, I spent alot of my time angry and frustrated and fuck it depressed, thats not to say it was all bad because of course it wasn't I met some amazing friends and have a huge box full of memorie's train tickets and such. But the past month has been a bit uppy downy and i've reffered to it as being a bit like life jenga, e.g a bit jiggly and unstable. But I did I compare and contrast yesterday and asked myself am I truly more happy down here than I was there? Don't misconstrue this as me being all woe is me because I don't throw pity partie's for anyone let alone me. See truth be told the answer is yes I am more happy here, however i'm really not liking who i'm turning into especially after these past couple of weeks. Last night I had the urge to taxi-it down to the beach, to dip my toes into the water I do that...run to water when i'm stressed or have something on my mind I need clarity on something, in fact i've done it since I was in my teens, whether its the canal, river or sea depending where i've been/am living at the time, which is ironic considering i'm scared shitless of water. Maybe thats why when I go to the beach I force myself to go ankle deep and look out at the horizon because subconsciously I know that in those short moments i'm confronting my phobia ergo making me realise that i'm made of sturdy stuff and can deal or at least attempt to deal with any problem I might have and staring out at the deep vastness that is the sea I realise how insignificant and small I am.

So what prompted the desire to act like a hippy by sodding off to the beach at silly o'clock in the morning(thankfully I was too lazy and far too sleepy) A realisation I had over the weekend , (I promise i'll stop using the word realise or any form of thee word in a mo on account of having noticed how often i've used it already) the realisation that I am an arsehole. Today i'm going to talk a bout the word Feisty(briefly) on my fbook profile I say i'm too feisty for my own good, its quite a cutesy sounding word I stumbled upon this definition of the word earlier Feisty: having or showing exuberance and strong determination. Tenacious, energetic, spunky; belligerent; prepared to stand and fight, especially in spite of relatively small stature or some other disadvantage. Quite a fitting word for me but there's a difference between being fiesty and a fraction hot headed and being an arse hole. I really don't think fesity sums me up anymore I think the word arsehole is more accurate. This past week alone i've argued with two different people and been unable to contain my temper admittedly the two gents that I did argue with happened to catch me at the wrong time of the month e'g when i'm at my worse and my short fuse gets even shorter. To say i'm explosive when i'm pssed off is an understatement I know I look all cute and delicate but i'm utterly vile when i'm pissed off, I get very leary and sweary and I become like a snarling tiger being poked with a red hot poker...viscious.
As i'm sure Handsome Statham can recal...i am a cunt when i'm pissed off and I struggle to control it. Handsome Statham and I are no longer fuck buddie's I presumed he hadn't text me for reasons I won't go into and also presumed he was playing the same stupid games that so many men including King Tart e.g instead of being straight up and saying that he no longer wanted to hook up he just ignored me...maybe my eyes are jaded now when it comes to men and i'm too quick to judge. Handsome Statham didn't text me because he was ill...in hospital with pneumonia, i'm so quick to judge and cut people off and presume the worse in people which makes me an absolute wanker in my book. He said the text i'd sent him was agressive I think thats the first time anyone has said that to me and I didn't like hearing not because I thought it was bollocks but because it was true. I'm not surprised he dosn't want to fuck me anymore.

I'm not going into the ins and outs too much because honestly i'm ashamed and not just because of how I acted and who else I argued with because my temper is ugly and I worry that i've turned into a complete bitch. I also seriously upset someone last month too and I hated knowing that I was the reason they were feeling upset , and i know that despite taking them a cup of coffee and a bar of chocolate upto their room to apologise it dosn't make it ok. I mentioned temper and how I hated it so and my sister said it was genetics, fair play she's got a point our parents are both incredibly hot headed so it makes sense to some degree but I feel like I mines a million times worse than there's and think its a cop out to blame mine on my genes. I've lost count of the numerous thing's i've broken in rage for those struggling to picture me being able to break anything period let me paint a very ugly picture for you I cracked my bedroom door in wales by booting it, put the front bit of the washing machine through, anhillated my laptop and numerous phones and crockery launching trying to put them through one wall or another. I spoke to Miss Banana about it. I think it's a good job i'm pacifist and abhor physical violence. it all and she suggested Anger Management, which I was suppossed to recieve info on when I got the info about CBT for my OCD but didn't recieve anything don't think the doctors took me too seriously as well i'm tiny and look like an elf. I think it'd be a good thing for me to go, my first question will be how can I manage my temper Although when some twat felt my ass and when another said something inappropriate i had to fight hard to resist the urge of booting him in the arse a couple of weeks ago it's my ass so only the people I like get to touch it. So how do become the opposite of a cunt.

Nothing new on the guy front I wouldn't mind hooking up with a guy i'll Crew cut, who I spent some of saturday night flirting with...swoon he's gorgeous.

Things i'm loving right now
That my friends love me even if i'm prone to being a douche(not to them)
My new TUK Mondo Hi Creepers(frickin' awesome)
The Sony Xperia arc...so sexy <3 it

Things i'm hating right now
My temper
That i'm pretty certain i'm more arsehole than nice.
That my insides feel like dirt due to the above.
Hope you all have a lovely week Stay kinky KinkyCupcake XOXO