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Thursday, 30 June 2011

Lets talk about sex

Hey lovely people how are you? A few weeks ago I had a conversation with a friend of mine about my blog, and it became apparent that my adventures can be percieved in a negative light e.g a slutty one. So my question is this: why is it that in this day and age, in the fabulously evolved 2011 that a man can throw his wang around town sowing his wild oats and being all Casanova and shit, yet when a woman behaves in the same way she is still classed as a Jezebel, a wanton hussy, a slut? Since the 50's our opinions on sex has changed its now no longer a dirty word. Its not just whispered about behind closed doors between a man and wife, nor is it done whilst fully clothed, under the covers with the light off, sex isn't taboo anymore. Everyone's talking about it and everyone's doing it, unabashed, stark naked with the lights on!
So if its socially acceptable to discuss it, to speak openly amongst our friends about it whilst wearing the ''its so good'' or ''i got some last night'' smiles. Why the hell is there still the double standards? One rule for men and another for women? We're equal in all other aspects of life. Why do people not apply the same attitude when it comes to our primal urges? Afterall regardless of how sophisticated we now are at the end of the day we're all just a bunch of animals. When my friend was busy chiming in that my promiscuous ways would be percieved to some as slutty my response was pretty much this ''i couldn't give a flying rats ass what people think about me'' I strongly belieeve in science, the bit of research i've done( see why i'd rather shag my arse of than date, i'm a tiger not a gibbon blog) on whether humans are meant to mate for life or not (for those that havn't read the aforementioned blog we're not meant too) my findings are something I strongly believe in, also according to scientists humans are one of the few species that has sex for pleasure, and on account of not wanting to settle down and procreate. I'm embracing having sex for pleasure. And if society wants to brand me a whore, then they can crack on because i'm having fun and enjoying it and i'm too busy shagging my arse off than to be pointing fingers at other people for the way they choose to live their lives. I embrace my sexuality and i'm making the most of it now whilst i'm young because when i'm old and sitting home alone at least i'll have some pretty awesome stuff to look back on.

Also its not like i'm going around spreading STDs because whilst I write about my sexy times I also practice and preach safe sex! Which leads me swiftly onto the next branch of the topic...Safe sex. A couple of guys i've hooked up with this year had issues with wearing condoms and openly admitted that they regularly go without using one I was so shocked. See my response to them is always this ''No condom on your dick, then no sex'' its quite simple. One guy in particular said that i'm the only girls he's used a condom with in like forever. This is the very same guy who (a) goes home with a different girl every weekend and (b) who is in his 30's therefore old enough to know better. I think its terrifying as well as total insanity to not use protection because not only is he putting himself at risk he's also putting others at risk too. STD'S are rife in the last decade there has been a substantial increase of in diagnoses of them here in the UK here's a few stats that will hopefully scare the poo out of those non condom users into using them next time you get lucky

The most common bacterial STD is Chlamydia a rather nasty disease that more often than not has no symptoms, and can lead to infertility if left untreated.
Then there's Gonorrhea, now according to the site I did my research on, there's concern about the increasing number of cases of it found here(UK) that are resistant to certain drugs that are used to treat it. Meaning theres a greater chance the treatment will fail and it can be passed on.
Genital warts are the most common viral STD, they're caused by some types of HPV (Human papillomavirus)
And of course the most terrifying one of all HIV. In 2010 there were 6,136 new diagnoses of HIV contributing to a cumulative total of 114,766 cases reported by the end of December 2010 a mere 7months ago there have been 26,791 diagnoses of AIDS in the UK, and 19,912 people diagnosed with HIV have died. Those numbers are staggering.
When I was young I was very stupid I shagged around didn't use a condom, was a total moron and every time I went to the clinc to get screened(thankfully I never caught anything) I felt like a twat for not using anything. I came to my senses around the ages of 18 and used one ever since bar the occasional hick up. I don't understand why so many people don't use them, its not like a chore to find a stockist, they do them everywhere, local sex shop, pharmacy even the local newsagent is likely to sell them.
Having sex is fun especially when its safe right.

Now gents i'm about to obliterate an urban myth here you know the one where ladie's don't masturbate, way way way back many moons ago when doctors proscribed a ladie an orgasm as a cure for hysteria those days are long gone. I personally think that buying your first vibrator is a womans right of passage. I'm pro wanking. And the reason i'm bringing this up is because this coming satuday i'm taking Miss Banana to get one as I sulked for a whole day that she bypassed a trip to a sex shop to get her first one in favour of online shopping. I am however responsible for spreading the gospel of sex toys and DIY orgasms the luscious Miss Long legs and bought her one for her birthday this year. I think the point i'm trying to make is this...DIY is awesome for finding out what rings your ding a ling in the bedroom plus its good fun.

Now for a brief bit of man goss. A couple of weeks ago I finished work early and hooked up with gorgeous honey who i'll call Super fine(those of you who remember my status update about where I scored with a guy that used to model for superdry) Super fine as I said is gorgeous literally of model preportions, blonde hair, warm blue eyes andd well built(on accounts of what he now does for a living) now since the whole King Tart thing (i honestly can't say his name without wanting to bitch slap him a bit) I thought i'd been spoiled in the respect of I had the best sex i've ever had with him how on earth was anyone going to top that. Well ladies and gents and the tender age of 21 Super fine did it reitterates my point that its experience that counts. Super fine is spectacular in bed and had enough stamina to keep up with me and not only did he make me come a few times(spectacular by the way) he was pretty adventurous too which naturally sits very well with me. That was a good night if we do bump into each other again i'm thinking a second hook up would be hot as hell. The thing I (and my two besties) liked alot about Super fine were his immpecable manners and his irish accent(soooo sexy) any way ladies and gents I think i'll call it quits here

Things i'm loving right now
My new job
My black mono converse(sooo comfortable)
How my best friends never fail to make me laugh hahah squench!

Things i'm not liking right now
That we havn't seen our Colombian bestie or Male bestie in too long a time we miss you Puta.
That King Tart still insists on parading his flavour of the nigh, outside my work on the weekend...trashy as hell and classless as fuck.

Hope you all have a good week you lovely lot
Stay lovely Kinky Cupcake XOXO

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

You can't steal my pride aswell as my horn

Why do I do this to myself? I'm going to be my normal brutally honest self here. It's 3:50am and like any other night for me i'm still awake, sitting in my bed with WTF buzzing round my head, intertwined with a solid web of frustration, minor annoyance, and with a sprinkling of self loathing. It will come as no suprise to any of you lovely not that the reason for my sitting here stewing in the aforementioned emotional juices is a man...when is it not. With every man orientated phone call I have with my sister she always says this ''i've never known anyone to have as much man drama as you'' That dear sister is because i'm cursed...ummm perhaps its the house of Naughtyness that is. I know in my last blog I said that I was taking time out from writing for a month or so to ''get right with myself'' but sod it. Writing is how I deaal its how I process and make sense of of my world, regardless of the size or context of the problem, its like tetris a bunch of odd shapes that once flipped around and ok sworn at a bit will fit perfectly and form one nice neat shape. Now there is a little chunk of goss about Duvet Stealer I know I sing his praises in the two previous blogs but trust me he's getting a less than glowing write up but i'll get to him in a minute.

I'm having a minor case of de'ja vous right now as i'm sure you lovely ladie's and gents will be too when you read this next sentence. When I wrote my last blogs I stated once again that King Tart would no longerbe appearing in my blog aka my life. I wish someone would tell my pussy that because its really starting to take the piss. I'm not ashamed to admit this but i'm blatantly lead by my vagina. So heres the skinny, I told King Tart that I was starting to like him granted I think that his spectacular cock capabilities hold the most weight and sway on the like part. I also said that i'd really like for him to leave me alone because I was getting rather attached to his cock, then proceeded to have a face like a slapped arse when he obliged, then instead of getting excited when other blokes text me I concentrated on trying to get super duper excited when they text. I know it sounds brutal but when you hear what Duvet Stealer did I doubt you'll be thinking ''awww poor thing''. So some what buoyed by my ''plenty more hot men in this city'' attitude Duvet stealer and I still texting, the filthiest kind of texts and being young(ish) and single pulled a cute guy who i'll call Hardcore (as in the metal sub genre) Hardcore is fit, nice eyes, stocky and a shaved head, with excellent taste in music. I'dd spoke briefly to him at the start of the night, then bumped into him when I was about to demolish a hot dog from my favourite vender...ironic no? Incidentally I havn't been able to eat a hot dog or a banana or any other remotely phalic looking food in public without feeling a bit naughty and smiling at the furtive glances from men. So Hardcore and I get chatting away and we take the conversation and the flirting back to mine. All is going well, we're kissing and its hot
Then my phone goes off, natch I ignore it and don't check it until Hardcore heads off to the loo. Well look who it is I thought. King Tart had messaged me on fbook chat I am stupid and leave me app running since that night i've always made sure I turn it off if I have company. This is where i'm going to sound like a right wanker. Sohot guy in the bathroom, message from King Tart and what do I do? Thats right I text king tart asking him why he wasn't in my bed. Although I did point pout that he's interupted something. And *poof* just like that my horn for Hardcore vanished well I wasn't going to sleep with him whilst I had King Tart on the brain god damn my stupidity at neglegting to turn off my fbook. So instead of doing the despicable thing and sleeping with someone with another man on my mind I did the decent thing and a made an honest excuse of being nackered from work(which is always true on a friday and saturday night)
And went to sleep.

I'm going to keep the Duvet Stealer stuff short and bitter, because even when you decide to give the nice guy a shot they turn out to be human sized toads or ''Love rats'' but I didn't know that bit at this point. I'd called it quits initially as he wanted more than I could give. But was pleasantly suprised when he swung by to say hi on saturday night, our chemistry kind of gets lost when we text I just think that my personality gets lost via text. Our chemistry is brilliant in person so he came back to mine we laugh alot and I whoop his ass at Iron man. After play fighting and stuff we fuck. By this point i'm thinking ok why not give the nice guy a whirl! My friends all became ''Team'' Duvet stealer especially the morning after when I announced that he and I had a date later that afternoon and yes you lovely lot read that right. It'd been awhile since i'd be out on a date so I made myself look pretty and when 2 o'clock came I was quite looking forward to it, except 2pm became 3 and he still hadn't shown up. Turns out he'd fallen asleep. For the following week we texted, flirted, and filthy promises we're made, namely involving me wearing my PVC corset(tis so pretty) we arranged for him to meet me after work, I was looking forward to seeing him and from the messages we'd been sending I had the total rand. So from that last sentence it would be easy to presume that I was in for a hell of horny after work date right? Wrong! He shows up drunk(so much for not being a drinker hey) i'm going to skip alot of the details of that night for two reasons the first being that I feel like a monumental tool, and the second is that the happenings that unfolded a few days later are far more a sorry tale.
Basically Duvet Stealer was an obnoxious prick, his reasonings for his dick head like behaviour were wishy washy to say the least and basically a bunch of lies including the bit where he said his ex fiancee had been texting him trying to get back with him and how he'd never get back with her in this life time thats the very same ex fiancee that he said had cheated on him whilst he was out serving. There is 0 truth in what he said. Turns out Duvet Stealer is a compulsive liar annd a compulsive cheater. I wanted buggar all to do with him after the weekend, I did however find out that he'd been stiring shit about one of my friends again non of what he'd been going around telling everyone about her was true. Fuck me around fine I couldn't give a shit, but fuck my friends around and the people I love, then prepare yourself for the biggest bollocking of your life. Down came the red mist, I posted a comment defending my friends honour and ripping him a new arsehole. Then I got a message from his Ex, after she'd seen my post ripping him a new one for spreading rumours about my friend. Now come on Duvet stealer, if you've been trying to get back with your ex surely the smart thing to do would be to delete the other woman e.g me. I feel so bad for that lady because fair enough he may have fucked me around being all ''toad in prince's clothing'' but he'd royally fucked her over. I just hope that her experience with him hasn't jaded her eyes when it comes to men, hun there are so many amazing guys out there that are more likey to walk over hot coals for you than cheat on you. See guys when two women get messed about by the same guy and they find out then chances are they are likey to stick together and turn on the bloke as oppossed to turning on themselves
After the whole duvet stealer incident, I deleted him. I also deleted king tart from fbook and fetlife because when i'd messaged him on chat it went unanswered and I was sick of logging in to my Fet account to see he's liked a pic of some other chicks pussy. So i did the sensible thing...I removed him
Mainly to avoid the temptation to message him and you know the saying out of site of mind, there was no spite behind it. I inadvertently deleted wboy by mistake i'd wondered why he'd just vanished. Whoops soz dude.

Despite my not sticking to my I need a man break rule as said in my last post. I have been concentrating
On getting ''right with myself'' and I figured the best way to do this would be to try something new something that was non-guy related and something that would make me feel good. So I booked into a pole dance class. And ladies for those that have not tried it I highly reccomend you do. Its a brilliant work out and no where near as boring as going to the gym. Not going to liemy arms were aching a bit the next day and I was nursing a brusied knee from where I hit the pole wrong doing fireman. After that one class I decided to buy a pole. I've only had two classes now but enjoy it loads I like the buzz from the endorphins afterwards. When the pole arrived and after having a nosey through the instruction manual and reading that I needed a stud finder to find the location of the ceiling
Joists, I asked around on fbook and a friend(seriously dude best reaction) when I asked him if he had one I could borrow aside from asking ''a what?'' When I told him he said knowing you I thought it was something dirty pmsl so I asked him if he reckoned that King tart would have one. He thought he would so I sent him a text unsuree whether or not he'd realised i'd deleted him. Personally I didn't think he would've noticed. Even if he did he didn't mention it in his text. He called me a bitch and instantly I started getting juicy. Fuck me my vag just dosn't seem to realise that whilst king Tart is ooooh so good for me in that way he's oh so bad for me in other ways. I did get my pole set up in the end but its faulty so i'm having to send it back and once I get a refund i'll be getting an X-pole. I've also been proactive on the hunt for a secondary job which i'm super duper happy to announce that mid writing this I got a phone call saying i'd got the job:-) happy happy happy Cupcake.

For a whole week i'd been sensible Cupcake. No guys etc. So how did I get from sensible to stupid lame dented pride girl...the same way it always happens I bumped into King Tart. I swear that man gets within a foot of me and my pussy throws a fricking party as in ''whoo hoo King tarts here orgasms here we come'' and my common sense and will power goes flying out the window. The chick i'd seen him sloping off down to the pub with earlier slinked past. Sometimes I hate that I am so observant but I need to be for my job. My stomach got all knotted up and my pulse starts racing, my instinct is to touch, but I hesistated due to a weird feeling of guilt for the fbook thing and perhaps due to a remainding shred of pride and common sense, so I resist the temptation to adhere to my baser urges the ones that always get me in to trouble, he reaches for my fingers and holds them and like an idiot I let him and revel sensation, the rush as my pulse soars and nigara falls sets up in my undies.When you see someone or something you like your pupils dialate...mine must have been the size of two full moons. The conversation is a little hazy, he breaks away at one point to talk to a mutual friend, then his fingers find mine again. Again the convo is a little hazy iI just remember looking at his lips alot . might have alot to do with the fact he looked like he wanted to lick me. We were stood so insanely close together thin fact a fraction closer would've been kissing distance iI could feel myself moving in closer too blissfully unaware that iI was stood outside work and had he kissed me i'd've got severely bollocked for it. One part of the convo iI do remember is that he wasn't too happy about the whole facebook fetlife delete thing. Naturally he didn't give a reason for it on account of his being incable of being honest with me. Admittedly he only ever brings stuff up when he's drunk. And iI told him straight why i'd done it. For fuck sake iI have such a blatant girl boner for him and its really annoying because all he is a clit tease that winds me up. Before he left we chatted about my pole and iI asked him if he fancied coming round to mine after iI finished work iI got his usual slightly coy response of maybe.So you lot will probably be as unsurprised as iI am by this but he didn't make it to my bed on saturday night. The thing that pisses me off the most is this...if you don't want to hook up with me instead of being a dick by flirting with me, then going home with someone else just be a grown up and say that you're not interested anymore. And the other thing that pisses me off is this what right does he have to be pissed off over the facebook thing when he pulls shit like on satuday night. Despite the fact iI look like a fragile delicate flower iI think suffice to say iI won't shatter if you reject me in fact i'm more likely to still have an ounce of respect for you for being honest. Needless to say I still don't know why he was bugged by the fbook think but iI have an inkling its more to do with his ego as oppossed to who actually deleted him. It irritates me to no end that instead of actually bothering to respond he just ignores me like iI don't exist thats why my friends and iI have changed our opinion from ''oh my god he's the male version of you/me'' because there is no iI would be that cuel,r that bad mannered or that big of an arsehole. I do however reiterate that he is by far a bigger twat than I am as I would never in million years treat someone the way he treated me on the weekend. I'm honest if i'm not interested I don't be all cutesy and flirty and lead them on. I say i'm not interested. I even sent him a friendship request on fbook because he'd seemed so bugged by it.

My friends all agree with me that I need a break from guys and I sure as shit need to stay the hell away from King Tart, and if you're reading this guess what you can't have me anymore I would rather go to bed with my rampant rabbit than play stupid games with you that end up with my pride dented. So put that in your ego and deflate it!

Things i'm loving right now
That i've got a new job
The new Criminal Damage Jeans I got...makes my ass loook gooood and they're brilliant for us shorter ladies
Lazy girls night in with the ladies
Skindreds new album Union Black...tasty awesome treats for ears everywhere
Pole class

Things i'm not liking right now
That alot of men including KTart and Duvet Steal are incabable of being honest saying ''i don't want you'' or imn Duvet stealers case ''i'm a compulsive liar'' is not hard
That my pole is faulty
That i'm constantly tired
And that i'm sure the house of naughtyness is cursed in the dating department.

Hope you lovely ladies and gents have a great week
Stay lovely Kinky Cupcake XOXOX